Giving gifts to the special woman in your life is a great way to let her know exactly how much she means to you. Choosing that gift, however, can be stressful and overwhelming. Where to begin? Regardless of your budget or your comfort level in a lingerie store, the perfect gift is easier to find with our guide.

Beauty Products
Every woman likes to feel gorgeous. So why not try a beauty kit? Like the Shany Makeup Kit by SHANY Cosmetics. The Sunset Collection, Extra Large features a wide array of shades. It comes complete with eye shadows, blushes, liners, glosses and more. Or the Bare Minerals Start Up Kit. This starter pack allows her to test out one of the fastest growing product lines in the world. The free Bonus Gift is sure to add more bang to your buck!

Fragrances
Experts say that memory is tied very closely to our sense of smell. So perhaps give her a perfume to lift her mood, her energy or the eyebrows of everyone around her. Think of her personality as you stand in front of your choices. Perfumes are generally classified as spicy, sweet or floral. Which one is she? If all else fails, smell several and stop when you get to the one that makes you think of her. If on a budget, try the bath shops, like Bath and Body Works. They always have delicious scents that won’t break the bank. Gucci’s Rush 2 is a deep, earthy musk with hints of palm wood and gardenia, and is a great day to day casual scent. Paris by YSL is an ultra-feminine floral perfume infused with rose and sandalwood with a touch of vanilla. The eternal classic Ralph Lauren Polo Sport is timeless, with a clean, sporty scent.

Creature Comforts
Sometimes the simple things make the best gifts. Gifts to comfort, soothe, and relax are always appreciated. Foot massagers, like the Jilbere Massaging Foot Spa, help ease tension from a long day and keep her feet soft and sexy! A Beautyrest Micro Mink Warming Throw is a fabulous way to wrap her in warmth on a cold night. The faux mink feels luxurious and decadent without the cruelty to animals!  Sunbeam makes a nice heated throw too.  And a beautiful basket filled with indulgent bath gels, salts, skin creams and spa goodies will brighten any day. These can be found at almost any store and generally fit into any budget.

Tech Toys
Guys aren’t the only ones that like high-tech toys! Ladies love having the hot new gadgets just as much! How about a laptop or tablet? Chances are there is a Kindle that will make your woman and your wallet happy. From the original, with access to more than 800,00 titles for $10 or less; to the Kindle Fire, with more than 18 million books, movies, magazines and more. Plus, with the Fire, she’ll never have to search for WiFi!   Other popular eReaders are the Nook and Kobo.  Or fill an mp3 player with songs she likes, songs that make her think of you and, of course, ‘your song’. Or load a digital picture frame with pictures of the 2 of you, highlighting great moments in your relationship, or even images hinting at times to come.

Diamonds
Enough said.  Diamond earrings, diamonds rings, diamond necklaces.  We love them all!

Jewelry Sets
Every woman loves getting jewelry. But if diamonds are not in your pay grade, don’t worry. If you’re not sure if you should buy a necklace or bracelet or ring, no problem. Boxed jewelry sets are an easy way to give the gift of sparkle. As a general rule, heart shaped is a safe way to go. The Unusual Freshwater Pearl Set includes teardrop earrings and a delicate bracelet and necklace to compliment almost any wardrobe.

Candles
Scented or unscented, candles are a good way to make a woman feel cherished. Something to let her know that she is on your mind. Beautiful designs with exotic flavors and ingredients from all corners of the Earth are in most malls and department stores, and inexpensive choices are available just about everywhere else.

Creative Ideas
Gifts that foster creativity make a woman feel that you cherish her mind as much as any other part of her. Stationary sets and craft kits can be found at just about any price point. Blank journals whether leather bound or paperback, encourage self-expression and creative thinking.

Cashmere
Regardless of how discerning her taste, every woman loves soft, luxurious cashmere. A coat, sweater or pashmina (like a big scarf) are sure to please. Even a pair of gloves will make her feel special without emptying your wallet. And with yummy cashmere, you can’t choose the wrong color!

On The Go
And for the woman on the go, gifts that bring the comforts of home to her commute never go unappreciated. A nice travel bag, briefcase, messenger bag can keep her organized and less stressed. Travel mugs let her take her favorite coffee, tea, soup, etc wherever she goes. Tried and true Thermos makes a 16 oz leak proof travel mug that comes in colors to coordinate with any style.

See also >>> The Ultimate Guy Gift Buying Guide.

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Disclaimer

There’s no question about it, you love your man.  But the love isn’t always conveyed in gifts you buy him.  The dress shirts, cologne, pajamas, and neck ties.  All are considerate gifts but all tank in the ‘awe’ department.  They only manage to yield a forced smile from your guy. This time you want more.  You want him floored.  Here’s how to do it. Below are three Guy Gift Buying Rules, guaranteed to garner his respect, and give him goose bumps.

Guy Gift Buying Rule #1  -  Buy him what HE likes instead of what YOU want him to have.
Remember the gift is for him, not you.  Be honest.  That cologne you bought was really for you, right?   It’s how you wanted him to smell.  Cologne is fine, but it’s a casual-day gift, not special occasion. Other common offenders are: gloves, socks, cologne, ties, and clothes.  Only get these gifts if he specifically asks for them.

We, men, have a script for unwanted gifts:  Hold our breath.  Act enthused.  Grin with a big smile.  Say “Yeah baby I love it!” Then pan over to the kids for the thumbs-up and Best Actor nomination.  Later, we jump online and surf for deals on stuff we really want.  Stuff like gadgets.  Let me say that again.  Stuff like gadgets.

Guy Gift Buying Rule #2  – Buy him gadgets.  All men like gadgets.

Name a guy you know who doesn’t like gadgets.  Take your time.  We’ll wait…….  You can’t?  That’s because there are none.  Men love gadgets like women love shoes.  There are thousands of gadgets.  The key is to buy gadgets of his interest.  Tech-heads like computer gadgets.  Sports-heads like tv gadgets.  Fishermen like fishing gadgets.  Car guys like car gadgets.   Entrepreneurs like efficiency gadgets.  Hunters like camouflage gadgets, and so on.  Simply put, you can’t go wrong with gadgets.

Guy Gift Buying Rule #3  – Keep the receipt and don’t get upset if he uses it.
Even the best universal remote won’t work on every tv.  Likewise, even the best buying guide may not fit every guy. Your guy may be odd.  So include the gift receipt. Remember, it’s not about your ego, it’s about making him happy.

Below are common Guy Gadget Gift Favorites:

• Watches – Women compare purses.  Men compare watches.  Ever seen a watch flashed in a music video?  Enough said.  Business professionals tend to like watches with multiple dials.  Invicta watches are quickly becoming a favorite with men.  Trendier guys like whatever is current.  Latest being bling bling, casual watches, and G-Shock watches.
• Sports memorabilia – The 2011 World Series was one of the greatest in History.  Even if they’re not a St.Louis Cardinals fan, all sports buffs will love it.  It’s the story of an underdog team that barely made the playoffs then came back to win it all.  Amazing!  The best World Series’ DVD ever!  Get him one and buy me one too.  The 2011 World Series DVD.
• Digital cameras – There are two types: point-n-shoots, and SLRs.  Point-n-shoots are small and more portable. They often record video and boast basic picture modes. The top point-n-shoots can record video in High Definition (HD).  That’s sexy!  Good digicams are:  Nikon Coolpix S3100; Canon  PowerShot SX230HS; Sony Cyber-shot; and Olympus  E-PM1.  Digital SLRs are larger, more professional, and more customizable.  They allow expansion components such as zoom lenses, and hot shoe flashes for greater range.  Good SLRs are:  Nikon D3100; Canon EOS Digital Rebel T3; Sony Alpha A33; and Sony Alpha A55.
• HD video recorders – Much like digital cameras, video recorders come as portable versions or large full-feature units.  Make sure they record in High Definition. which simply means ‘clear picture.’  Good portable video recorders are: Kodak PlaySport (Zx3) HD, Sony Bloggie Touch Camera, Flip UltraHD Video Cam.    Good full-feature video recorders are: Toshiba  Camileo X200, Sony HDR-CX160, and Sony HDR-XR160.
• HD Flat Screen TVs- The bigger the better. I’m not sure when big TVs became synonymous with masculinity but they are.  So what are 720p, 1080p, and 1080i?  In short, they represent picture clarity. The ‘p’ stands for pixel.  The more pixels, the clearer the picture. Blu-ray DVDs, Playstation 3 games, and X-box games look AWESOME in 1080p.  Other of that, most will only need 720p since not many shows transmit at 1080p.  Good flatscreen TVs are:  Toshiba 32C100U, Toshiba 32SL4, VIZIO XVT323SV, LG 42LV4400, VIZIO E422VA, and LG 47LK520.
• Blu-ray player -  (writer salivates)  Ever watched a blu-ray movie on a 1080p television?  I have.  Enjoyed it so much I needed confession the next day. (smile)  Blu-ray players are amazingly clear. “Father forgive me for I have sinned; it was Halle Berry.” Blu-ray players also have crystal clear sound and functions similar to a fast computer.  Playing blu-ray discs on a high definition tv yields the best experience. A few good blu-ray players are: Sony BDP-S380, Toshiba BDX2000, and LG BD670.
• Laptop computers – I’m often asked what specs to look for in a computer.  Here’s  a checklist:  320gb hard drive or larger, 4gb RAM or larger,  an Intel i3, i4, or i5 series processor or a dual-core AMD E-series or better;  a strong graphics card for a gamer, graphic designer, or video editor; at least 3 USB ports.. A few good laptops are:  Toshiba Satellite L755D-S5363, Lenovo G570 43348PU, and Sony VAIO EJ2.
• Mountain or Road Bike – Cycling is growing as the gym alternative for Blacks.  Buying him a bike puts him ahead of the trend.  Click here to learn about bicycle types.
• Software – Business Operating Software like Microsoft Office, Idea Organizing software like OneNote and Visio, accounting software such as Quickbooks Pro and Peachtree, and dictating software such as Dragon.
• Smart phone accessories – For men, Otter Box covers are to phones what Hummers are to SUVs.  Masculine!  We love Otter Boxes.
• Computer Tablets – tablets are quickly replacing netbooks are portable computing options.   Good tablets are:  Sony SGPT111US,  Asus Eee Pad, Ipad, Samsung Galaxy Tab, and the Motorola XOOM.
• eReaders – Great gift avid readers.   Kindle Fire and Nook color are the hottest units.  Kindle 3 and the Sony Reader Touch are good non-color units.  Some prefer non-color for less eyestrain. Kobo is also gaining momentum.
• Computer glasses –These reduce eye fatigue and allow him extended hours in front of a screen.  Awesome!  Gamers and tech-heads love these.  I have mine on now;  10 hours and counting. Popular glasses are Gunnars: Sheadog, Attache Phenom, and PPK.
• Car radio and accessories – Be sure to pick a radio with an Aux In option so your guy can connect his MP3 player. Good units are:  Sony MEXBT3900U, JVC KD-HDR60, and Pioneer DEH-3300UB.
• Shoes – Did you know they now have UGGs for men?  Nice!
• Netflix Or Blockbuster online subscription – streaming videos are catching on.
• Amazon gift cards
• Video Games  – Yes, some men still play video games.
• Visa & Mastercard Gift cards
• Fitness equipment
• Magazine subscriptions
• L.E.D. flashlights – I can’t explain it.  But we like bright lights. Bayco 61 LED and NSP-1136 are good ones.
• Tools

Following this list, will not only surprise your man, but a satisfied guy gives you leverage in gift-receiving.

See also >>  The Caveman’s Guide to Buying for Her.

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Disclaimer

It happens more often than you think.  Someone panics and leaves someone who truly cares for them.  Emotions are funny like that.  Relationship decisions made out of haste.  Sometimes these decisions are the product of unresolved conflicts.  Other times these departures stem from outside influences, or lust.

Influences like:  jealous friends urging you to leave; charming offers from opportunists who say all the right things; pressure from family members who appear to have your best interest at heart.  Embattled, you succumb to these influences.  Most conformists do.   Moral fiber is in short supply these days.

But in your heart you knew they loved you.  Still, you left anyway.  Better opportunities await, you say to yourself.  So you step.  On to the dating field you go, eager for a new start.

You meet new candidate number one.  Damn.  That was rough.  After the thrill, you find they weren’t as awesome as you thought they’d be.  You write it off as a flute.  Not all others will be like that, you say.  Months go by and much of the same.  Reality sets in.  Plan B doesn’t appear to have been such a good plan at all.  Dating is hard and the competition is thick.  The girls are much younger than you, bodies firmer.  The guys are more eager and aggressive.  Plus, you had forgotten all about those lonely nights; that cold bed, how it was before you met your ex.

You miss that umbrella of love you were once covered in.  Their touch.  Their voice.  Their warmth. But they’re gone.  You left.  Now pride won’t let you return.  Pride only has one friend – Loneliness.  And only has one adjective – Foolish.

I know this story too well.  And I know how it ends.

It is upon the offender to recover the offended.

My advice?  If you miss them, call them.  If they still love you, they’ll welcome you back.  If they don’t, consider it a lesson.  It was a bridge that you burned.  Contrived explanations will only harden their heart.  So, let these be your first words: I’m Sorry.

And going forth, remember:  Home is not out in the streets. Home is where love is.  Real love.  The kind of love that loves you back.

(Excerpt from forthcoming book by Glenn Avery.  Email: g.avery@grouptrails.com to join mailing list.)

Yes OneNote, that strange-looking software you’ve seen in your program list but breeze pass for Microsoft Word or Outlook. I personally, believe OneNote is Microsoft’s most significant software release since the creation of Microsoft Word. Still, few use it. Probably because they don’t understand its power.

Imagine having one software that can hold all of your files, all of your research, all of your ideas – all in one place. That’s OneNote. It’s like a blend of MS Word, Excel, MS Project, but with more organizing power. Microsoft OneNote 2010 – Download

Its usefulness to students, business owners, planners, or anyone with goals, can be invaluable. It’s like having a digital 3-ring binder that never runs out of space. A source for all of your Word docs, Excel spreadsheets, video clips, audio files and PDFs. Once you try OneNote you’ll wonder why you didn’t use it sooner. Below is a list of the features that’ll make you fall in love with OneNote. Or check out this brief tutorial.

1. Unlimited space for notes. Create unlimited notebooks, unlimited sections, unlimited pages, and unlimited sub-pages. That’s organizing power! Notebooks become subjects. Sections become topics. Pages become support material. Each section allows for password protection of content.

2. Drag and drop content anywhere. Unlike the linear nature of Microsoft Word, OneNote allows typing anywhere, and dragging-dropping files anywhere on the page. This freedom stimulates brainstorming and promotes creativity.

3. SideNotes allow quick note taking. Even without having OneNote on, you can still take notes quickly. Pressing the Windows Key + N key opens up a feature called a SideNote. SideNotes are small windows that pop-up allowing you to quickly draft notes. Close the SideNote and the note is automatically saved into an ‘unfiled notes’ page for future sorting.

Microsoft OneNote 2010 – Download

4. Capture and Import screen clips from anywhere. Often there are areas on the web you want to include in your notes. Hitting the Windows Key + S opens up a screen-clicking tool. This tool allows copying of anything visible on screen, then drops the screen-clip into a OneNote page.

5. Imbed projects files right into OneNote pages for quick access. No more searching for files in folders. Drag all of your files into a OneNote page and all of your support files are right in front of you.

6. Content is automatically linked back to source. Paste content into OneNote and it automatically creates a link back to the source webpage or file folder. This is an invaluable tool for researchers who often have to re-reference information from content they’ve cited.

Microsoft OneNote 2010 – Download

7. Never have to hit save again. Much like an active database, OneNote instantly saves all content entered into it. No more saving. No more losing content.

8. Fast Search for easy navigation. A powerful feature is OneNote’s search. One keyword search will return all content relative to the search regardless of the notebook it’s in. The search is even powerful enough to find words embedded within pictures.

9. Convert pictures to text. OneNote has strong Optical Character Recognition technology built within it. This means you can right-click on a picture and OneNote will read each word in the picture, and copy it to your clipboard for pasting. This can save lots of time by eliminating the need for retyping.

10. Create audio/video notes. One click of the ‘record audio’ or ‘record video’ button starts the OneNote recorder. This is an awesome feature for recording speeches and meetings. When finished, the media files are embedded right into the current OneNote page. OneNote can also playback the files within OneNote.

11. Also: Save to the cloud for team access; Create to-do lists; Import/Export to Outlook; and create equations right within OneNote pages.

Microsoft OneNote 2010 – Download

This year more than 1.3 million skin cancers will be detected in the United States. Of those, 7300 will be fatal.

We must be careful to employ new methods to protect skin from sun-exposure damage – if we are to reduce the frequency of skin-cancer diagnoses and age-related skin problems.

Until recently, sunscreens have been our best protection from the sun. But their protection is not ideal because of inadequate use, incomplete UVA/UVB protection, and/or toxicity.

In fact, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration says that due to the additional costs and risks from increased concentrations of active ingredients, the maximum SPF should not exceed 30.1

Choose natural sun protection – a hat, sunglasses, and a long-sleeved shirt. And when you and your children race for the outdoors this spring and summer, keep in mind this information to help you choose a safe and natural sunscreen product such as Lavanilla Lab sun screen.

A few safe products for you and your children include: Alba Botanica SUN, Aubrey Organics Sunscreen. Below are a few tips on picking sunscreens.

Mary F. Shackelton MPH, ND is a Naturopathic Physician with a practice in Boulder, Colorado. Dr. Shackelton practices family medicine with an emphasis on children’s and women’s health. Within the children’s health specialty she successfully treats most common childhood ailments including: ear infections, immune dysfunction, allergies, eczema, asthma, behavioral disorders, and other chronic illnesses. Dr.Shackelton can be reached at: mary@allnaturaldoc.com

The content and opinions expressed on this Web page do not necessarily reflect the views of nor are they endorsed by the Grouptrails.com
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1 DeSimone EMn: FDA proposes changes in sunscreen regulations. American Pharmacy NS34(6):26-31, 1994
2 Environmental Health Perspectives, Volume 109, Number 3, March 2001,
In Vitro and in Vivo Estrogenicity of UV Screens. Margaret Schlumpf, Beata Cotton, Marianne Conscience, Vreni Haller, Beate
3 Environ Health Perspectives 107 (suppl 6):907-938 (1999).
4 J Am Acad Dermatol 2003, Jan: 48(1): 1-19.
5 Photodermatol Photoimmunol Photomed. 2003 Oct;19(5):242-53.
6 Skin Pharmacol Appl Skin Physiol. 2001 Mar-Apr;14(2):69-76.
7 Anticancer Res. 2002 Nov-Dec;22(6C):3873-7.

While on medical rotations, I rediscovered a lost art – the jump rope.  I’m too busy and too poor to have a gym membership, so one day I decided to buy a jump rope from a local thrift shop.  The rope cost me a whopping buck fifty.  It travels with me via air, car or train.  It’s compact and I can whip it out whenever I please.  The best part is, I can achieve high cardio activity by jumping in intervals in as little as 30 minutes.  Depending on what other exercises I’ve done for the day I’m guaranteed to burn at least 600 calories.  A brisk walk or core repetitions between jumping can really pile up the number of calories burned.

Jumping rope ranks high among the most cardio driven activities; it’s second only to jogging.  No treadmill is required for this healthy past-time.  It took me a minute to relearn the technique for jumping rope, as there is a rhythm one must achieve for high cardio quality.  You can jump rope anytime, anywhere, and most importantly, it’s fun!

Worried about looking stupid?  Don’t.  Ever wonder how boxers become so lean and coordinated?  They jump rope!  The weaving and bobbing requires serious core strength which jumping rope provides.  Jumping rope works the biceps, triceps, back, abs, quads and calves.

The Do’s and Don’ts of Jumping:

• Not too much rope.  Adjust the rope as needed. Hold the handles and step on the rope; shorten it to where the handles reach your armpits.
• Wear properly fitted athletic shoes.  Big shoes are hard to jump in.
• Don’t jump too high.  It’s not basketball.  One inch off the floor as that’s needed.

Calculate how many calories you burn jumping rope using this user-friendly calculator link.  And as always, check with your doctor to make sure you are healthy enough for a fitness routine. This will ensure you can withstand the impact and intensity of jumping rope.  Until next time, have fun!

Were you aware that digestion takes over 50% of our daily metabolism? A majority of the energy and fluids used in the digestive process are supplied through the blood. Therefore, your digestion is only as powerful as the blood and circulation to digestive organs. Work, emotional health, stress and many daily interactions pull blood from digestion. That’s why we should relax when we eat. Some foods, for example; cold drinks, cause restricted blood flow to the stomach. You should try to avoid all activities that divert blood from the digestive tract.

The first fifteen minutes after eating are imperative. A massive increase of blood flow to the digestive tract brings fluid to acid-producing glands lining the stomach. The corresponding lack of blood in the mind makes us feel sleepy. We’ve all felt this after a nice lunch. It’s important to try and relax during this time of sleepiness, even to the point of reclining on the left side. We should all learn to yield to our digestion, giving the body the time, space and blood it requires in order to properly digest food. After the stomach fills with fluids, blood will be released for other activities. Energy and alertness will return to the mind. Then alas, the afternoon siesta ends and we are ready to continue with our days activities.

John Lewis is a nationally certified fitness trainer.  Also known as the Bad-Ass-Vegan, Lewis is founder of the No-Beisty.com and BadAssVegan.com. He is a welcomed contributor to Grouptrails.com.

Marriage is the best environment for a woman to be all she can be.  She doesn’t have to parent and provide by herself.  She has the help and support she needs to be the best wife, mother and anything else she desires to be.  Regrettably too few Black women are making this choice.  While other young women are thinking about marriage and family in high school or chanting, “Get the ring before spring” on college campuses, Black girls are being reared for work and career.  She’s focused on being an independent, strong Black woman.  Kind of like it was during slavery when work was the only option because marriage and family was outlawed.

In fact our out of wedlock child birth rates today are nearly as high (70%) as they were during slavery when close to 100 percent of our children were born outside of marriage because it was illegal for slaves.  Isn’t it interesting that the Black woman is the only woman touting her strength with pride?  Why doesn’t the Latino woman have to be strong?  Where is the strong Asian woman?  What about the strong Caucasian woman?  Why does the Black woman have to be strong?  Why can’t she just be a woman?

This is the unnatural circumstance that the Black woman finds herself in.  She learns as a child that she will grow up and get a job, sometimes even a career.  She starts working many times as a teen.  A good job and or getting a college education is more important than finding the right husband.  Along the way, she is more willing to give a man a baby than her hand in marriage.  The cultural cues that once guided us to marriage like family values, literature and media now guide us toward sexual relationships without responsibility.

We tend to be the losers in this, left with one child after another trying to do the best we can with only half of what’s required.  It is not natural for a woman to have or even yearn to rear children by herself.  It’s not natural for men to have to figure out how to get involved in the lives of his children or to be told how or when he can.   But this is what happens when marriage is only seen as just a piece of paper.

The formula to avoid poverty is simple; graduate from high school, seek higher education (vocational, trade school or college), followed by a job or career, marriage and then and only then have children.  We unwittingly sentence our families to hardships and trials instead of the enormous benefits of marriage like greater wealth, better health, higher achieving children, better lovemaking and stronger communities.  That’s the bad news.

The good news is that it’s never too late to get it straight.

As the Executive Director of Wedded Bliss Foundation, I work with couples all over the country in various stages of their relationships.  People like you who want to get it right and avoid the pain, hurt plus heartache of a failed union.  Men and women who sincerely want to increase the benefits of marriage while decreasing the drama.  Most couples are clueless how to achieve wedded bliss.  Some know more than others.  That may be you too.  It becomes an elongated exercise in hit or miss with more misses than hits.  So I offer five tidbits from our curriculum Basic Training for Couples that was featured on CNN’s Black in America 2.  I recommend going to a class, workshop, retreat or seminar to really work on your relationship but in the absence of being able to do that using these tips can help.

1. People gravitate towards the applause in life. Be your spouse’s most profound cheerleader, the enthusiastic president of their fan club and greatest and most devoted supporter.  Many times jobs, children, hobbies and other things affirm people instead of the closest person to them, their spouse. Be that affirmation, be that applause and they’ll come running home to you everyday.  In addition, each spouse wants to know when it’s all said and done that there is at least one person that is on their side, one person that loves them unconditionally.  That person should be you.

2. Be What You Want to See. If you want better communication be the best communicator in the relationship.  Become a model for what you want and show your spouse how it’s done.  If you want more romance, be the romantic in your relationship first.  If you want more tenderness show the most tenderness.  Asking for what you are unwilling to give doesn’t work.  Work to be first in everything of good in your relationship and last in everything bad.  Don’t wait for your spouse to do, lead the way.  Be what you want to see and you can see incredible results.

3. Advance your point, build your relationship with understanding. In your communication with your spouse have two points in mind, how can I advance my point in the best manner with the best language and how can I build my relationship by understanding my spouse.  These are sometimes easier said than done. Your spouse deserves the best you have to offer, your best care, your best concern, your best consideration, and your best conversation.  Think carefully before you speak, think carefully as you understand.  Give your spouse what’s right and everyone else what’s left.

4. What Can I Do To Make This Better? Don’t fight fire with fire.  It only makes a bigger fire.  Fight fire with water.  In the heat of an argument in a soft, loving voice just say, “Honey, what can I do to make this better?”  It is a disarming way to focus the discussion on solutions rather than problems.  Listen to what’s said, move forward and “keep it loving”.  Show you are interested in changing the tone and tenor of the relationship and making things better.  In conflict it’s important to advance your point and build the relationship with understanding.  Don’t continue arguing and fussing when just asking how you can make it better can add lots of love to a difficult situation.  According to researchers what separates those that get divorced from those that don’t are not their problems.  For every couple that divorces because of money, another one solves the problems and stays together.  For every couple that divorces because of adultery, another couple works it out and stays together.  The difference is each couples ability to manage the conflict that comes.  Either you manage the conflict or the conflict will manage you.

5. Lastly, make the decision to love the one you’re with. It’s a mindset about commitment.  Decide that you are going to love your spouse.  We are often with people that we say we love but we go about it halfheartedly waiting for the straw to break the camel’s back and end it.  We have one foot in and one foot out.  We’re saying, “I Do” while thinking about how, “We don’t”.  It will never work that way.  Enter the room of holy matrimony and lock the door.  No exits, no windows, just you and your boo.  Whatever happens, work it out and “keep it loving”.  You do yourself and your spouse a disservice when you operate with a plan B in mind.  You enter with your eye on the exit.  Your marriage is doomed for failure from the start. Give it your all and then give it some more.  Love is not a 50/50 proposition.  No one wants just 50 percent of the one they love.  Everyone wants 100 percent and more if they can get it.

There you have it, five of the many ways to achieve wedded bliss.  A great marriage is never guaranteed but what is guaranteed is that if you work at it and work hard you are guaranteed to be on your way to Wedded Bliss.

Nisa Muhammad is the founder of Wedded Bliss Foundation, a community-based organization that helps teens, singles and couples create healthy relationships and marriages.  She is the creator of Black Marriage Day, a holiday occurring on the fourth Sunday in March, giving communities an opportunity to celebrate Black marriage.

Tornadoes, floods, and earthquakes are traumatic events.  This stress can get compounded by the lack of a family Emergency Plan.  If cell phone service goes out, how do you locate your family?  How will you know if your kids are safe?  How will you know where to meet them?  Natural disasters often strike quickly. They can displace you from your home or confine you to it.  What would you do if your gas, water, and electric services were disrupted?

Below are a few tips to help you create a basic Emergency Plan for your family.

1. Have a family meeting and determine your needs. Create a list of food and supplies you’d need for your family to survive 3 days, independent of the grocery store or services such as water, gas, and electric.  Emergency assistance may not be readily available.
2. Agree on a central meeting spot after a calamity. Where would your family gather if cell and home phone communication is interrupted?  Every family member should be aware of the spot. This puts your family on auto-pilot without need for phones.  After gathering, decide the next move from there.
3. Store essential supplies at the meeting spot.Whether it’s Mom’s house or the family business, keep life-sustaining supplies at your gathering spot.  Supplies to consider:
   • 1 gallon of water per person, for 3 days.  Note: a 55-gallon water tank sustain 5 people for 14 days
   • 3 days of canned food. Canned food has a 3 year shelf life. Check expiration date. Include a can opener
   • Emergency food bars
   • Enough medications for 3 days, include extra prescription glasses.
   • A hand-held radio, battery powered or crank powered.
   • Matches in waterproof container, candles, and flashlights with extra batteries.
   • A mid-sized First Aid Kit with manual, and a local map.
   • Rudimentary tools, like pliers, to turn off utilities.
   • Personal defense options; a fire extinguisher.
   • Feminine products, wet wipes, and hygiene products.
   • Non-scented chlorine bleach and medicine dropper. Add 1-part bleach to 9-parts water.  Bleach water becomes a good disinfectant, or water disinfecting tablets.
   • Water purification tablets
   • A good survival manual that covers extreme conditions
4. Choose an out-of-town contact to act as central command. Displaced family member can call them to check on the status of other family members. This contact can also coordinate a meeting.
5. Make preparations for those with disabilities and pets.

For a grab-n-go solution Quakehold!  offers a $50,  two-person, 3-day emergency kit. Click image below to view.

For a more advanced kit, Ready America offers a deluxe,  4-person, grab-n-go pack for $120. Click below to view.

Other helpful planning links:

Ready America

FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency)

Disaster Assistance

National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration

Pilates, is an exercise method created by Joseph Pilates. It is often confused with yoga. Like yoga, Pilates is designed to stretch, strengthen, tone and balance the body through specific movements and focused breathing. But unlike Yoga, which is based in spirituality, Pilates is about fitness.

Health Benefits

Pilates has been known to:
• Increase lung capacity and circulation
• Strengthen and increase flexibility
• Improve posture, balance and coordination
• Increase bone density along with joint health
• Regulate posture, leading to the alleviation of back pain
• Immaculately tone and slim the body

Beyond slimming and strengthening the body, Pilates sets out to unite the body and mind so as to create an unconscious ability to move with grace and balance. Given the bevy of health benefits of Pilates and the low-impact nature of the exercises, Pilates has continued gained popularity around the world. When Joseph first came to the United States after WWI, they opened a single studio in Manhattan. Joseph personally trained all instructors in apprenticeships that sometimes lasted 4 years. Today, Pilates can be found everywhere.

Is Pilates just a fad? Not likely. Considering the aging of the Baby Boomers and the general increase in awareness of health, Pilates is here to stay. With so many gyms getting into Pilates instruction, the need arose for a central organization to establish professional standards. The result was the creation of the Pilates Method Alliance in the 1990’s. Pilates is also being considered in many regions for use in schools, and in conditions that were previously overlooked, such as prenatal fitness. There are practitioners that now specialize in clinical rehab Pilates.

Students of Pilates learn to:

• Make the most of the body’s strengths
• Counteract the body weaknesses
• And Correct imbalances

Pilates principles include:
Centering, Concentration, Control, Precision, Flow of movement and Controlled Breathing. Breathing being one of the more central Pilate principles. Pilates believed that getting the blood pumping was essential to awakening the cells whereby removing waste. He believed this could be accomplished with the blood “charged with oxygen” to purge cells of waste gases. This is why full inhalation & exhalation are central to each Pilates exercise which come with specific breathing instructions.

Pilates History

Born in Germany in 1880, Joseph H. Pilates was an avid fitness enthusiast. Just prior to WWI, he moved to England, where he was a boxer and circus performer. When WWI started, Pilates was sent to the English internment camp where he cared for prisoners who had been stricken by the influenza pandemic of 1918. Having been trained as a nurse in Germany, Pilates used his knowledge of the body to create a series of movements for patients within the confines of their hospital beds The Pilates Reformer, a popular piece of Pilates equipment, is based on a hospital bed. Pilates went on to create a total of 500 different moves.